Chapter 4: self-love 2019

Sitting amongst the paper chasing dreams and bad love songs of America

reading between the lives of the many types of love I choose to consume and create.

Choice is love. love is choice.

And now my heart is widening for new adventures within the sun beams casting upwardly to the universe

I say BE.

so the universe begins to shift as to make room

for the design intent that my power tower emits

The time of mastery appears as the once student becomes the master.

What I want isn’t always what it seems to be

What the world needs is more than my small ego can give

It enwraps me within the time love continuum. through my consistent choice of love and living in the space of gratitude is how I know that there is a source greater than myself. No one. No one gets out of this life alone. No one. We’re all connected.

so

me being me

me loving me

my authenticity

rising in the sun past the moon light beams of mass conformity

I do this due to My two young children look to me for everything

As my eldest is caught in between the light field bonded by old memories

as my old life fights stupidly against the misinformation of it’s needs

that ego

that fragility

that narcissistic fucked up vibrational energy of all about me

fuck sympathy..I want empathy narc life will have you wrapped up in all types of self inflicted questioning and reasoning

if you don’t know

Where I go

there’s no comfort in knowing

there’s comfort only in the ambiguity

of life and space every time the sun shines

rain falls to give new life

darkness is the womb of creation

I was born to give new light

So I tell the universe

oh, you’re gonna love me
You’re gonna wanna hug me and squeeze me. Cause I want to spend the rest of my life with you.

so I awake with the time of light and the bare footness of God

imagining, creating, designing intentionally

while loving me.

while loving me.

while loving me.

self love 2019

Photo by Leighann Renee on Unsplash

Time is my everything…

Time is my lover

It is my friend

It speeds the necessity of flow

Within the veins of all that will be..

all that is known 

we once were romantic lovers 

we both figured out very early

Sentimentality isn’t the strongest of bonds for us to be in 

it’s not real enough for us

we both became disappointed quite easily

across vortexes

So we decided to yield to our natural waves 

within vibrational love

Understanding

Care

consistency

In knowing that time only tells with this one life.

Times intention for me is always in lifting me up

To be greater than what I can see within the moment

it’s within that moment I’m able to lay seeds

for the future tense and only time allows me to see

for me..I respect the laws of it’s frequency

So time…

It’s the angel of stillness upon a frosted corner in the middle of a lonely night when only the sounds of nature and the spirit world are active. 

it allows me to be courageous

It’s my navigation system within a jungle of oppressive systems

it allows me to be resilient

It’s the brilliant sunbeams that feed my melanin energy at the calm of every story that my ancestors have transmitted unto my DNA

it allows me to create

I allow it to love me

Time

Time

Time

Is my lover

It’s my friend

It’s my twin soul experience of what was before and everything that comes after it

it’ will be my forever meantime

Time is my everything…

my year of intentions 2018

Tonight I am writing out my year long intentions that I will focus on throughout the year.  These are areas within my life that I’m passionate about and would like to see grow:

1. Ask empowering questions to God through prayer.
2. Love with no fear.  
3. Work on myself, within my family, with my children, to spread peace and love as deeply as we can.  
4. Meditate profusely.
5. Utilize my prophetic imagination within every endeavour.
6. Share more of my gifts through the arts, social justice, and foresight.   
7. Redirect energy that isn’t mine.  
8. Focus on my lessons and not use the pain for reference anymore.  
9. Give deep attention in growing the act, process, and gift of critical learning wherever I go.   
10. Work with people who are doing similar community work, who are fearless within the cause.  

Wish me the best or you can join me!  

Inspired by adrienne maree brown author of  “emergent strategy” and “octavia’s brood” 

image credit by artxman “opulence”

a quick reflection on my day…

Today was a day of tremendous information overload and processing.  My attempt to move past this information overload  is that I’m choosing to experience more than just taking information from the center to my peripheral view.  Hell I live!  I go out explore, interact, take chances, risks, give back thru service, travel, and I’m semi ok with the failing concept.  See many within a dominant culture theory don’t understand the context of the word failure within the African american perspective.  There’s a severe cognitive dissonance of expectation and learning when looking from this extreme lens.   I, being a feminine spirit, that’s creative, and a black queen.. thrive in a world where everything is set up for me to fail (emergence theory).  So when we talk about experimentation..hell I do that every single day I get up and come to work in an environment that’s not shaped within my cultural perspective of being a human being.   Who I am, what I’m shaped from, and my intentions are all purposeful.  Yet within the system,  failure within work culture =  I don’t get projects.  So I have to be exceptional even if the powers of be don’t value what I bring. To be who I am and do what I do I have to be beyond exceptional on every accord.

So back to information overload…I experience life as a self care technique due to me being nerd chic within technology, an avid learning coupled with the creative gift of deep empathy.  I can take on a lot from others if I’m not mindful of my intentions for the day.  I can get easily distracted from the energy people bring to an experience.   So I am very thoughtful (picky) about who I choose to engage in conversation.  Call it how you choose.  I live life as truthful as I possibly can so I’m being honest about avoidance.  lol  It’s real!  It’s even noted as a contingency tactic when developing projects within Project Management Institute (PMI).

With that said, I create many beautiful things with people I don’t like.  Crazy right..or is it?  My main goal in life is always love and understanding.  LOVE=LEARNING.  LEARNING=LOVE.  Learning can happen at anytime, anyplace, and with anyone.  You never know what the universe may send as a messenger.  So I grow through the lessons I receive through this journey.

Currently I’m working through a reflective process with my design partner, Emily.  We’re attempting to wrap our minds around the first iteration of a immersive learning design experiment we just finished up in December.  We also have two other teammates we see once a week Tina and Glenn.  I love them as family.  We’re an eclectic bunch I tell yah!!

So to wrap up my thoughts..my day went like this:

• got my babies ready for school.
• made sure bills were paid for the month
• attended a branding workshop
• Pitch meeting for blog posts on the Hub website
• shared some diagrams on Buzz words used within industry and academia
• asked a whole bunch of questions
• listened for  a different perspective
• wrote a bio for an event where I’m the keynote
• Figured out 4 different learning paths for a course
• Collaborated on documentation
• updated a course I’m co teaching.
• Wrote a proposal for an article on reflection in learning
• Created specs for image submission for a journal

Then finally the best…attending a event at the Kellogg center for a Entrepreneurship and Innovation Minor.

Critique of the day:

• Don’t shush your Inner VOICE.  It’s who you really are.
• If people are uncomfortable with your exuberance.  That’s their shit.
• write and get your thoughts out

Still processing some stuff..oh well.  Just finishing sending emails and scheduling meetings.   My OCD bestie Octavia talks about my inbox every time she looks at my phone.  Lawwdddd..    oh well I’m about to watch the New Edition mini series on BET to relax!!

Until next time.

P.S  I LOVE my life.  (smile)   Still tired as hell though lol

 

A change of …

I decided many moons ago within my soul to now only study and pursue African theory, literature, philosophy, and theology.   From 15+ years of colonial education, indoctrination, and self deprivation, this feels right to my soul.  Yet I won’t follow it under a prescribed curriculum.  The curriculum of my learning hasn’t been created yet and if I choose one it will be something that will evoke change in our current systems.

While thinking loudly, I believe my sensibility and pedagogy on how I learn directly evolved from the theory and practice of engagement, questioning,  unorthodox approaches, creativity, spirituality of choice outside theology yet within the history of its existence, and of intense immersion of love. Why wouldn’t I want to create something that has more fire than the sun?   In the essence of what I share, I am who I am due to having the most loving mother that was ever created.  Anyone who has been in her presence will say she is the most giving and nurturing person in the world. So in summary,  she taught me love.  As with many black people on the earth especially in america you mother is like your best friend in a particular way.

who I am right now, is a portrait within time, framed from a small black congregation of southern thought leaders who migrated  up North due to job shifts to Muskegon, a small industrial town near the vibrant shores of lake Michigan.   The water taught me fortitude persistence, quietness, and with direct intentions of every wave and thinking that comes out of me.  I’m more than Greek mythology, English prose, Capitalism, imperialism etc.., and I am not ever losing sigt of love.  My world hasn’t been without strife yet I persist within the bleeding lines of innovation, exuberant wisdom, and continuous insights.

I am the future and beyond.

I am learning in its authentic state.

I am more than the eye can see

I give of myself daily to high wave lengths of existence

I follow my passion and desires with intentionality.

I am strategic in every breath that I take

I am more than my breath can fill within the atmosphere of impurities

I create new universes within the realm of the  living

I am a mother of new thinking

I am a facilitator of creative systems

I am love.

In its purest essence

and so forth love what it is….is my life journey and lesson.

This world is a matrix of paradoxes

Its old. it only seeks to recreate itself.

It is time, my people to love.

welcome to my narrative art.

 

#mylifeasalearningdesigner